A week ago, I was waking up in great pain and still very confused. This morning, as I write this, my wife and I are preparing to go to church. To say that we are blessed is such an understatement. People that saw the car were not asking, “Is everyone ok?” They were asking “Who died?”
I have been dealing with a great deal of guilt. I have prayed, but all of my prayers have been those “theologically correct” prayers that although are heart-felt, are often only being done out of obedience, rather than desire. This morning, I woke up with a song on my heart. When I was little, my parents bought me a B.J. Thomas gospel album. My parents were pretty big southern gospel fans so I grew up on some of the “standards.” One of those was “His Eye Is On The Sparrow.” The lyrics are:

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me

I’ve spent my time now looking up and asking why. Not “Why did this happen?” but “Why, God, did you put our family through this? What are you trying to show us? What are you trying to teach us?” I’m not sure if I have all those answers yet, but one of those is to slow down and maintain faith. Thank you to everyone for your words of encouragement.

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